A

I can’t even look at you sometimes.

The guilt seeping off my body.

Betrayal of my instincts.

You hold me close and the universe melts away.

I feel safe. Protected.

When you kiss me I am lost in that space where we share breath.

It’s unreal.

I feel like you could take my life with just one kiss. One touch.

This can’t happen and we both know it.

I fight so hard to keep a wall up

But you penetrate it with every look

I don’t know what you are thinking

What you are feeling

This situation is unrealistic.

The games we play, destructive.

You ask if I want you to stop

You already know the answer

Betrayal of my instincts

The guilt seeping off my body

And I can only look at you. Sometimes.

(unfinished, work in progress)

I went back to that place
where you wrapped your arms around me
and we saw our futures
in the murky depths of the duck pond
before your broken promises
before the lies
the alienation
before you retreated
and i visibly became a shell
of the girl i once was
as I swim in those broken promises
where I cannot see nor touch bottom
i regret nothing
for i am here
and you are not
and for that i couldn't be more thankful
my fortune catches in the wind
it swirls amidst the atmosphere until it dissipates
in that same place
where you pressed your lips into mine
with silent promises
in that space between time

.

I'm too late.
I can't change this path we've wandered,
nor can ignore where we are.
And I wouldn't want to.
The language as it slides past my lips and hits the floor like concrete
leaves little more than a bitter taste on the tip of my tongue.
but I don't regret it.
Regrets are useless,
they remind me of paths I would have traveled,
lives I could have had
things I shouldn't have said
but then what?
Exactly.
Useless.
This extravagant road we took to get here
only made us later.
Your regret clinging to my heels
It slowly creeps up my leg
Waiting for me to stumble.
I stare directly as I fall

Like I said.
I'm too late.

August 2010

Fear.
It clings to every fiber of my clothing
The ones your hands slip so carefully beneath
The temperature of my skin suddenly dropping
It makes me shiver

We can create our own universe,
You and I.
Where the mountains reach the ocean,
and the stars touch the horizon
and only you and I can see our futures in the murky depths of water
Where your hands
Romping with their own volition
Decreases my temperature once more
And I can’t imagine what it was like before this moment.

It doesn't last. It never does.
There. Again.
Fear.

Somehow it clings though I watch it drift along the currents of that pond.
And I feel as though it's taunting me

But then your lips touch mine

And we create our own universe

And my temperature rises.

[random]

I admire the Autumn leaves falling delicately from the golden branches above me.
I pause in the middle of the road
in awe of their assertiveness,
How i long to be the leaf which falls;
on my own time,
at my own pace.
On the other hand, my interpretation may be off...
perhaps it is the animosity of the branch,
forcing lone leaf after another to disengage from the comfort of their home
to be left to die among the nameless masses on the cold asphalt.

2am ramble

Dancing. How sweet the music echoing through the abandoned chambers of my endlessly wandering mind. My body gyrating in the dim environment that surrounds me. I throw my hands above my body and breathe in; the sweet smell of sweat, cologne, and cigarette smoke more intoxicating than the alcohol I consume. I feel at peace, which surprises me since this is not a place conducive to such emotion. I decide the music is to blame. My mind, soothed by the sounds, rests quietly and thanks me for the solitude.

K.

The last look on your face still haunts me

After all these years, I can't forget

I've tried to wipe you out of my memories



I want to say I don't love you

I'd like to say I'm over you

Still, the sound of your voice

Brings me to my knees

I scream but no one can hear me



Fragments of my heart

shattered

fly carelessly with the crisp Montana breeze

I hear them ask me questions

I don't have the strength nor resolve

to respond to

The aching grows deeper and deeper

and for a moment my heart stops beating

and I cannot breathe