[prose]

I should have seen it coming.

It's this thing I'm trying out...



Like becoming part of a family,

living with a woman who you say you love,

and leading her household

helping her to raise her child…

was a costume you could pull on and off

Like the residual effects of what would remain

when you were bored with this game

would dissipate,

and you could pretend it never happened

Since like you said,

it was just this thing you were trying out…

And now you go back to your life

Go back to playing.

Fucking.

Hurting.

Dating on a case by case basis.

Pretending that you know what love is.

And that the complications of our relationships

Won't manifest themselves in any other

Just remember when you look in the mirror

That what you see

Won't disappear

Even if you run fast

And remember that the aching you feel for the family you once had...

can't be drowned in a bottle, or a book,

or even in the arms of another.